No Idea What to Even Title This

I get sick of my bedroom quite frequently. It's funny, for a person who likes structure, I cannot stand when my room has looked the same for forever. I have to rearrange my furniture or do something to switch it up a bit. Well, I'm in that process and I decided to cover one of my walls entirely with pictures. So here I sit looking at a wall half filled with pictures and what can you do but reflect. So I've decided that I'm just going to reflect out loud. Well, kinda.

It's crazy to look back on life. Sometimes I simply cannot believe some of the things that have happened, some of the people I've met and things that I've personally done. My life has been full of excitement, tragedy, searching, finding, good friends, bad friends, you name it, it's been there! I've been able to do so many things. I have lived quite the life in my short 22 years and I wouldn't ever trade it with anyone. But the most interesting thing to me is the people. There are so many different people on this wall and the sad thing is, most of these people are no longer a part of my life. Where as once they were such a huge part of my life, I don't even know what they are up to anymore. I have no idea where they are and what they are doing. It's sad to me. It's been something about life that I've always struggled with. I hate the constant coming and going of people and especially allowing someone to get really close just for them to somehow have to drop out of it. So without ever admitting to it, I created a thin wall. I'll let you come so far, but once you hit this point, you can't come any further. I believe boundaries are healthy, but slowly I allowed the wall to get bigger and bigger. My excuse being that if God is all I need, why do I need people? I developed a very selfish viewpoint on life. I believe that God has big plans for me so I've been running with them. It's been all about how can I further myself, and how can I get ahead. But that's the complete opposite way that Jesus would do things. He knew exactly who He was and what He was made for, BUT he never had a selfish or arrogant attitude toward life. He was all about serving PEOPLE! You gotta go lower, if you wanna go higher. We as Americans are taught the complete opposite! The American dream is all about working your way to the top, but life isn't supposed to be about self-promotion and trying to further yourself. It's about serving others. Being able to be there for others. And in order to do that, you have to let people into your life. Jesus's life scares me. Sometimes I'm not so sure if I wanna live like Him. It's not easy and it opens yourself up for people to hurt you. That's what happened to Him. But it's worth it. I don't completely understand why, but I know that it's truth. It's one of those things where I simply have to say, "I don't understand your ways, but I'll give you my song, I'll give you all of my praise". I've learned how to trust on God to be my everything, and now He's teaching me to trust others as well. Not an easy task for me (i'm even contemplating wether this should be posted). Well, here we go....