No Idea What to Even Title This

I get sick of my bedroom quite frequently. It's funny, for a person who likes structure, I cannot stand when my room has looked the same for forever. I have to rearrange my furniture or do something to switch it up a bit. Well, I'm in that process and I decided to cover one of my walls entirely with pictures. So here I sit looking at a wall half filled with pictures and what can you do but reflect. So I've decided that I'm just going to reflect out loud. Well, kinda.

It's crazy to look back on life. Sometimes I simply cannot believe some of the things that have happened, some of the people I've met and things that I've personally done. My life has been full of excitement, tragedy, searching, finding, good friends, bad friends, you name it, it's been there! I've been able to do so many things. I have lived quite the life in my short 22 years and I wouldn't ever trade it with anyone. But the most interesting thing to me is the people. There are so many different people on this wall and the sad thing is, most of these people are no longer a part of my life. Where as once they were such a huge part of my life, I don't even know what they are up to anymore. I have no idea where they are and what they are doing. It's sad to me. It's been something about life that I've always struggled with. I hate the constant coming and going of people and especially allowing someone to get really close just for them to somehow have to drop out of it. So without ever admitting to it, I created a thin wall. I'll let you come so far, but once you hit this point, you can't come any further. I believe boundaries are healthy, but slowly I allowed the wall to get bigger and bigger. My excuse being that if God is all I need, why do I need people? I developed a very selfish viewpoint on life. I believe that God has big plans for me so I've been running with them. It's been all about how can I further myself, and how can I get ahead. But that's the complete opposite way that Jesus would do things. He knew exactly who He was and what He was made for, BUT he never had a selfish or arrogant attitude toward life. He was all about serving PEOPLE! You gotta go lower, if you wanna go higher. We as Americans are taught the complete opposite! The American dream is all about working your way to the top, but life isn't supposed to be about self-promotion and trying to further yourself. It's about serving others. Being able to be there for others. And in order to do that, you have to let people into your life. Jesus's life scares me. Sometimes I'm not so sure if I wanna live like Him. It's not easy and it opens yourself up for people to hurt you. That's what happened to Him. But it's worth it. I don't completely understand why, but I know that it's truth. It's one of those things where I simply have to say, "I don't understand your ways, but I'll give you my song, I'll give you all of my praise". I've learned how to trust on God to be my everything, and now He's teaching me to trust others as well. Not an easy task for me (i'm even contemplating wether this should be posted). Well, here we go....

College No More

Oh boy, here we go. I never like writing these blogs. I love to appear like I have it together and know what I'm doing but SURPRISE! Even Sarah Aubel can make some not so accurate decisions.
For some time now I haven't really had peace about going to school. I know what God told me and I have no doubt in my mind that I know what I'm supposed to do, but my execution was just a bit off. There were so many factors about going to college that just didn't set well with me. The deal breaker came in the mail this week. I got my award letter for financial aid and I qualified for quite a bit. But even with all my scholarships and grants and loans, I still needed a lot of money for each year of school. Now you can argue that if God calls He's gonna provide and I know this. I believe this with all my heart! I've seen Him do it time and again, but I cannot justify going into that much debt for what? A degree? A piece of paper that "qualifies" me to do what I do. God and I had a talk about this, He flat out told me "Sarah, this is not about the degree. You don't get your qualification from a piece of paper. I've qualified you and that's all you need". He's right, I don't need to have a 4 year college education, but I do need to be skillful. So after much prayer and consideration, I've decided to not go to USF this fall. I will not forget what God put on my heart to do though. I will pursue becoming a skillful musician and will get better and better! I will pursue excellence but I will do so in a way that will not hurt me financially in the future. I plan to stay home and get lessons from local people. I already have a WONDERFUL vocal coach and I know God will lead me to the right instructors who will be able to help me get better at the gift God has given me. It's not easy for me to change my mind. It somewhat scares me that I don't have an exact plan anymore. But I know that God is faithful and He will guide each and every move I make. He has already opened so many doors already for me to pour into my community and it excites me! I love York, PA and I want so badly to see a move of God here. I can only do this if I stay here and help to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to this part of the earth.
Thank you all for bearing with my decisions. I know it can be hard to keep up with me but you all do such a wonderful job! ;)

How to react to the death of Osama bin laden

I woke up this morning to a text from my sister saying that Osama Bin laden was dead. I got on facebook for the morning and saw all the status' about it and you got christians who have their opinion, others are again in favor of Obama and then you have people saying we should celebrate the man's death! My feelings were mixed so I asked God. He reminded me of what He's been teaching me lately.

Something that God has been teaching me a ton lately has been about love. How to love people that I hate, people that have hurt me and people that I don't even know. I'll be at work and God will start raving about a person to me about how great that person is, how much He adores them, ect. And I'm like, "God, I dont even know this person!" But He LOVES them! Genuinely LOVES them. They may not even be christians. They could even possibly be atheist that want nothing to do with Him but He still LOVES them! I think too often we forget that God's love is unconditional. That means, it doesn't matter what we do, what we say, if we kill a bazillion people, if we bomb places, if we plan terrorist attacks. IT DOESNT MATTER! To Him it's not about the things we do. It's about who we are. He sees us like nobody else does. We americans have no right to judge Osama. We have no idea what He's been through and what had caused him to do the things he did. We are a nation under God, and our God calls us to love like He loves. That's unconditionally. I don't forget what this man did to our country. Many died and I understand that. But he is still a man that God loved. If we walk in forgiveness and pray for our enemies, thats when the doors are open for God to change hearts and lives.

When it comes right down to it, in the end God isn't gonna ask us how many terrorist we killed...He's gonna ask us, "Did you learn to love?"