Fasting and Me

      So about 2 weeks ago I was reading my current choice in literature ("What's the Point" by Misty Edwards - I'd highly recommend it!) and since she's from IHOP they are real big on fasting. This has been something I've really wrestled with over the years. I have pushed it to the back of my mind so many times because I just could not come to a conclusion as to what fasting looks like for me.

     In all honesty, food is not a big deal to me. At all. I can go through the day and if I'm focused on what I'm doing enough I can completely ignore hunger pains until they aren't even there anymore. (My coffee addiction probably does not help things! haha) It's not good, at all and I'm working on this. I have to really make it a point to eat food. For most people fasting brings them to a point of weakness and forces them to chose to meditate on God rather then their stomach. It's a sacrifice for most people. I'm just not one of them. So I've been asking God what does this look like for me? I don't want to ignore the concept. Obviously He finds it beneficial for us and I don't want to miss out on it. Well once again I had completely put it behind me because I just honestly didn't want to deal with it. But this morning, completely random I may add, God decided to wake me up before 6. Now let me just say, anyone who knows me even in the slightest knows that I am NOT a morning person. Furthest thing from it. I just do not function in the morning. End of story. So ironically (it's really not ironic at all) I've been feeling God nudge me to wake up at 6 to spend some time with Him before I start my day. So this morning when He woke me up I jumped out of my bed with the biggest smile on my face and grabbed my Bible and had an amazing quiet time!  rolled over and said 5 more minutes.....Haha. My 5 minutes turned into 45 and only did I get up to go put Nick on the bus. Now there's this really great song where the first line is "though I sleep, my heart is awake". It's literal people! So even in my rebel sleepy state God decided he was going to talk to me. He started to point out that this is like my fasting. Giving up that 45 minutes before I have to get up I am exactly in that needy state, relying on God to be my strength to actually get up. It's hard, and I have yet to even do it, but I know that God never asks you to do something He won't enable you to do (listen to me, i've traveled around the world with no money and I'm struggling with waking up in the morning! hahaha pathetic).

   I feel like people have the wrong impression about fasting. I honestly don't know what it does for most people. I guess they like how it sounds when they tell people they fasted and prayed about something. I really don't know, but what He's been showing me is that it's an act of obedience and it's not even something to be telling people. I've contemplated writing this because of that fact, but I feel like this is ok. I guess it all comes down to the motive of the heart. That's really what He's looking at.

   Maybe one day He will ask me to give up food. That day is not today and I'm not a horrible christian because I don't fast food. He see's my struggles and He see's where my heart is. He will honor my obedience. Now excuse me while I go repent for my prior disobedience. ;)

I am a Singer & Songwriter

   I started classes for Bethel's new online Worship University this week. They have been rocking my world! As I'm watching these lectures on the heart of worship and songwriting I find my spirit coming alive! That doesn't seem like it's anything new, but lately I have felt un-inspired and un-motivated to be who I know God has called me to be. Here is why:

   There have been two people in my life that the enemy has used to stick a lie in my head. The first person told me I couldn't sing, the second, told me I wasn't a very good song writer. Both of these people spoke their opinions and the enemy has since used those lies to make me shy away from the calling God has placed on my life. It's funny how you remember the negative 10x more then you do the positive. Only two people have ever said these things to me! The majority of people are only ever full of encouragement. I have had countless people tell me how my songs have really blessed them, spoke to them, challenged them and helped them through rough times. Cindy Myers said to me before I left for Finland that while she was in the hospital, she would listen to the songs I had written and they helped her get through the nights. Both of my parents have told me how my songs have blessed them. Not to mention the countless people who have prophecied over me saying that I write songs of deliverance and my voice brings freedom. So with ALL that truth, why does ONE persons opinion have such an affect on me. I have to make a conscious choice to believe what God says, rather then what these two people have said.

     Today as I was driving in my car, I turned down the music and started singing my prayers to God. What I would normally just say out to God, I sang instead. Then he brought a song that I wrote to my mind.

"Though despair may challenge my soul
Though the pain I feel tells me I'm not whole
I cling to the truth that your all that I need
You gave me a promise that no one can take from me

So I choose to see the light inside of me
To see the man who came and died to set me free
And in the shadow of your wings you shine on me
You shine on me

Arise my soul, sing out the truth
Your light is here, your light has come
His glory's shining all around me
In Him no darkness can be found
So arise my soul, cry all is well
Your light is here, your light has come

Christ in me, the hope of glory you shine on me, you shine on me"

    As I began to sing it out, the truth in the song began to prove to me that I'm not a bad songwriter and He has in fact given me the ability to write songs of deliverance and with my voice they will bring freedom. How do I know? Because it was freeing me. Though the words that people have said may challenge the calling on my life, I CHOOSE to see what God has placed inside of me and I will sing it out until my soul believes it. He has given me this gift and no one can take that from me. They can try to discourage me from writing or singing, but they can't take the gift away from me. It was never from them in the first place. It's from God. I refuse to let a persons opinion destroy the truth of who I am.

  God's voice has to be stronger then the opinions of others or you will never become who you were created to be.

A bad case of Jonah-itis

   It will never cease to amaze me how God will go totally out of His way to pull me back to where He wants me. I can honestly say that I have never related more to the story of Jonah then I have this year.

   This past year has been absolutely crazy. I can't even begin to describe it to you, but the one thing I've really struggled with the most was stepping into my destiny. God has been speaking to me about who I am and what He's called me to since I was 13. I've really always known what I was made for even though at the time it seemed like the last thing I would ever do. So since it seemed impossible, I guess I was ok with it. Well I have grown so much over the years. God has total guided every step so that it would prepare me for what He called me to, but this year God really began opening door after door for me to walk into. At first I did without even thinking about it, but as I began to see what was happening I got scared. My biggest fear being "What if I fail". So I began drowning myself in my job, which in turn took up all my time. I also got caught up in other things that in the back of my mind I knew would hold me back from where I was going. Working so much made me quit all the things I was starting to do because it took up all my time. I justified all my choices to make it ok in my eyes, but really all I was doing was running. Trying to mess up the plan for my life all because of fear.

  Sounds exactly like Jonah right? God gives Jonah a message for Ninevah. Then he gets scared and decides to go the opposite direction thinking that he can run away from God's call on his life. (Why didn't I learn from this story) Well what does God do, but send a storm that in turn makes Jonah get thrown overboard where God provides a special fish specifically to save his life so that he can do what he was called to do. Holy crap! I seriously feel like this has been my year, by the book!
 
  So back to my story. Throughout this year I made some choices that I thought for sure would affect the plan God has for me. I really thought I had myself screwed up enough so that He could no longer trust me. But there is a verse in the Bible where it says that "Even when we are faithless, He is still faithful for He cannot deny Himself". Boy did I ever see that verse first hand. I went to a church tonight, really just to humor my friend but also knowing that I wasn't ok and needed to just be in that atmosphere. But God totally set me up. The message was exactly what I needed to hear but my heart was so hard that it was falling on deaf ears. Then they wanted to pray for people. I didn't go up until my friend was like yeah you should come up here. So I did, and they prayed for me and it was short and sweet so I was like, Oh yeah! That was painless and I go and sit down in my seat again. About a minute later this girl comes up to me and says they wanted me to go back up there. I was just like, you have got to be kidding me. This other guy starts speaking exactly what I needed to hear, it was literally like he was reading my thoughts! Everything I had been running from was stuck right in front of me and I couldn't hide anymore. I never met this guy in my life! I know God speaks but I am still in awe every time that He does. Especially when it's to me. I tried to run, but God went way out of His way to bring me back and even more so to tell me how much He loves me and trusts me. You are not big enough to ruin God's plan for you! Take it from me, I tried. So save yourself the time and bad choices and just be obedient.

So, I guess I should just give up trying to prove God wrong. His love never fails me. I am so undeserving, but He still loves me. I will never be able to comprehend it, but I can't possibly live without it.

Life after Starbucks

   Well, I have had quite a few inquiries on what I will be doing with my life since I have quit my job at Starbucks. So I figured it's probably time to catch ya'll up to speed with where I am at and what I will be doing. And to answer your question, no I am not leaving the country. (unfortunately)

   These past 6 months at Starbucks have been a blast. I loved my job even though some of the customers were over the top grouchy, but the customers that I got to know as well as my wonderful co-workers made it more then worth it. I have definitely come out of this job with some great friends. :)
But in these past 6 months, all I pretty much did was work. Gradually, I backed out of music opportunities, time with friends, and pretty much just any life outside of work. I swear I'm the worlds biggest introvert so by the time I would be done working, I honestly didn't even feel like being around more people.
   As I prayed about what I needed to do, I really just felt like God was asking me to give up my job. I had no other job lined up and really had no reason to leave other then to be obedient. The fear of the Lord is to obey Him, instantly, when you dont see a benefit, when it hurts and to completion. I feel like doing this fit all of those categories. So now here I am, no longer working at Starbucks. But here is the faithfulness of my God for ya.
   This past week I have been offered 3 different babysitting opportunities and I haven't even been gone from Starbucks for a week. If they all work out, I will have it set up that I will be working mon-fri, and be getting paid more then I would if I had stayed at Starbucks. I will also have my weekends free and my schedule will be more stable so I can participate in music, church and other ministries.

     I am also hoping to be putting out some new music soon. It will be very different from anything I've done before and I'm very excited to show this side of myself. So keep your eyes open for updates, and if you haven't check it out, you can listen to some past music of mine on my facebook page. Simply search Sarah Aubel music.

   Thank you to everyone for your continued support and encouragement in my life! Thanks for reading!

Facing Fear of Failure

      This past weekend was our youth group's annual trip to Baltimore for Acquire the Fire. Last year was a blast. I had just gotten back from Finland and had seen God do some amazing things. Just getting home was a miracle alone! That was a hard time but somehow I never forgot the grace of God on my life to help lead a school. This year was much different though. Being a "youth leader", I always just assume that I am there for God to use me to invest into these kids and that I'm lucky to get something out of it, but this year was the total opposite. Two thousand twelve has not had the smoothest start to say the least. It seems to be just one thing after another. Really though if I think about it, life has just been one thing after the other. I guess that's just how it is, so why in this round of blows am I choosing to deal differently? For some reason this time around I've forgotten how to keep Him at the center.
 
        Recently I found myself completely burned out. The month of April was booked solid and at times I had double booked myself. I met with one of my best friends and told her I just couldn't do it anymore. I was just too exhausted. I was just saying "yes" to everything because somehow I always find a legit reason for my answer. What I didn't realize was that by doing this to myself, I was constantly giving and giving and giving but never allowing myself time to fill back up. What happens when you don't allow time for God to speak into your life and define who you are? You start to listen to who people say you are. They begin to define you and you take on the identity that other people say you should have and because you don't allow the time to get your identity from God, you lose yourself. That is exactly what happened to me.
 
       I've known what I was made for since the age of 13. Even before I allowed Him to be a part of my life something in me always had a longing to do this one thing, though I never told anyone. To this day, there are few who know me well enough to know what I'm made for. I believe for a time it was God's way of protecting me, but now it's time to step into my identity. God has been speaking to me over the past couple of weeks about who I am but I have been trying to block it out. I'm too afraid to face it. My reason: Fear of Failure. I'm so scared that I will mess it up. That I will let myself get in the way of what He wants to do. I know myself, without Him I'm weak. I cave under pressure and because I know myself, I don't trust myself. I simply look at my decisions these past few months and am completely baffled at why God would ever want to use me! What I always seems to forget though is that He trusts me. Friday night as we walked into the stadium, immediately He began speaking truth to me and immediately I rolled my eyes (yes, I do roll my eyes at God...He can take it). Throughout the weekend, He just kept speaking and affirming the calling He has placed on my life. Finally during the last session as we were singing "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me", I heard Him speak these words....

"I would rather you move forward holding my hand and fall then stay complacent and do nothing. At least if you fall while walking beside me, doing what I've called you to do, I am right there to pick you back up."

  How do I know I can trust these words? Psalm 12:6 - "The words of the Lord are pure words. As silver tried in a furnace on the earth refined seven times." This has been source of strength for this year.

    I don't feel adequate; I don't feel prepared and I'm scared half to death, BUT courage is not the absence of fear; it's doing it afraid. If He trusts me, I HAVE to trust me too. It's time for me to face my destiny and do what I was made for. Thank God I don't have to do this alone.