It will never cease to amaze me how God will go totally out of His way to pull me back to where He wants me. I can honestly say that I have never related more to the story of Jonah then I have this year.
This past year has been absolutely crazy. I can't even begin to describe it to you, but the one thing I've really struggled with the most was stepping into my destiny. God has been speaking to me about who I am and what He's called me to since I was 13. I've really always known what I was made for even though at the time it seemed like the last thing I would ever do. So since it seemed impossible, I guess I was ok with it. Well I have grown so much over the years. God has total guided every step so that it would prepare me for what He called me to, but this year God really began opening door after door for me to walk into. At first I did without even thinking about it, but as I began to see what was happening I got scared. My biggest fear being "What if I fail". So I began drowning myself in my job, which in turn took up all my time. I also got caught up in other things that in the back of my mind I knew would hold me back from where I was going. Working so much made me quit all the things I was starting to do because it took up all my time. I justified all my choices to make it ok in my eyes, but really all I was doing was running. Trying to mess up the plan for my life all because of fear.
Sounds exactly like Jonah right? God gives Jonah a message for Ninevah. Then he gets scared and decides to go the opposite direction thinking that he can run away from God's call on his life. (Why didn't I learn from this story) Well what does God do, but send a storm that in turn makes Jonah get thrown overboard where God provides a special fish specifically to save his life so that he can do what he was called to do. Holy crap! I seriously feel like this has been my year, by the book!
So back to my story. Throughout this year I made some choices that I thought for sure would affect the plan God has for me. I really thought I had myself screwed up enough so that He could no longer trust me. But there is a verse in the Bible where it says that "Even when we are faithless, He is still faithful for He cannot deny Himself". Boy did I ever see that verse first hand. I went to a church tonight, really just to humor my friend but also knowing that I wasn't ok and needed to just be in that atmosphere. But God totally set me up. The message was exactly what I needed to hear but my heart was so hard that it was falling on deaf ears. Then they wanted to pray for people. I didn't go up until my friend was like yeah you should come up here. So I did, and they prayed for me and it was short and sweet so I was like, Oh yeah! That was painless and I go and sit down in my seat again. About a minute later this girl comes up to me and says they wanted me to go back up there. I was just like, you have got to be kidding me. This other guy starts speaking exactly what I needed to hear, it was literally like he was reading my thoughts! Everything I had been running from was stuck right in front of me and I couldn't hide anymore. I never met this guy in my life! I know God speaks but I am still in awe every time that He does. Especially when it's to me. I tried to run, but God went way out of His way to bring me back and even more so to tell me how much He loves me and trusts me. You are not big enough to ruin God's plan for you! Take it from me, I tried. So save yourself the time and bad choices and just be obedient.
So, I guess I should just give up trying to prove God wrong. His love never fails me. I am so undeserving, but He still loves me. I will never be able to comprehend it, but I can't possibly live without it.
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