A bad case of Jonah-itis

   It will never cease to amaze me how God will go totally out of His way to pull me back to where He wants me. I can honestly say that I have never related more to the story of Jonah then I have this year.

   This past year has been absolutely crazy. I can't even begin to describe it to you, but the one thing I've really struggled with the most was stepping into my destiny. God has been speaking to me about who I am and what He's called me to since I was 13. I've really always known what I was made for even though at the time it seemed like the last thing I would ever do. So since it seemed impossible, I guess I was ok with it. Well I have grown so much over the years. God has total guided every step so that it would prepare me for what He called me to, but this year God really began opening door after door for me to walk into. At first I did without even thinking about it, but as I began to see what was happening I got scared. My biggest fear being "What if I fail". So I began drowning myself in my job, which in turn took up all my time. I also got caught up in other things that in the back of my mind I knew would hold me back from where I was going. Working so much made me quit all the things I was starting to do because it took up all my time. I justified all my choices to make it ok in my eyes, but really all I was doing was running. Trying to mess up the plan for my life all because of fear.

  Sounds exactly like Jonah right? God gives Jonah a message for Ninevah. Then he gets scared and decides to go the opposite direction thinking that he can run away from God's call on his life. (Why didn't I learn from this story) Well what does God do, but send a storm that in turn makes Jonah get thrown overboard where God provides a special fish specifically to save his life so that he can do what he was called to do. Holy crap! I seriously feel like this has been my year, by the book!
 
  So back to my story. Throughout this year I made some choices that I thought for sure would affect the plan God has for me. I really thought I had myself screwed up enough so that He could no longer trust me. But there is a verse in the Bible where it says that "Even when we are faithless, He is still faithful for He cannot deny Himself". Boy did I ever see that verse first hand. I went to a church tonight, really just to humor my friend but also knowing that I wasn't ok and needed to just be in that atmosphere. But God totally set me up. The message was exactly what I needed to hear but my heart was so hard that it was falling on deaf ears. Then they wanted to pray for people. I didn't go up until my friend was like yeah you should come up here. So I did, and they prayed for me and it was short and sweet so I was like, Oh yeah! That was painless and I go and sit down in my seat again. About a minute later this girl comes up to me and says they wanted me to go back up there. I was just like, you have got to be kidding me. This other guy starts speaking exactly what I needed to hear, it was literally like he was reading my thoughts! Everything I had been running from was stuck right in front of me and I couldn't hide anymore. I never met this guy in my life! I know God speaks but I am still in awe every time that He does. Especially when it's to me. I tried to run, but God went way out of His way to bring me back and even more so to tell me how much He loves me and trusts me. You are not big enough to ruin God's plan for you! Take it from me, I tried. So save yourself the time and bad choices and just be obedient.

So, I guess I should just give up trying to prove God wrong. His love never fails me. I am so undeserving, but He still loves me. I will never be able to comprehend it, but I can't possibly live without it.

Life after Starbucks

   Well, I have had quite a few inquiries on what I will be doing with my life since I have quit my job at Starbucks. So I figured it's probably time to catch ya'll up to speed with where I am at and what I will be doing. And to answer your question, no I am not leaving the country. (unfortunately)

   These past 6 months at Starbucks have been a blast. I loved my job even though some of the customers were over the top grouchy, but the customers that I got to know as well as my wonderful co-workers made it more then worth it. I have definitely come out of this job with some great friends. :)
But in these past 6 months, all I pretty much did was work. Gradually, I backed out of music opportunities, time with friends, and pretty much just any life outside of work. I swear I'm the worlds biggest introvert so by the time I would be done working, I honestly didn't even feel like being around more people.
   As I prayed about what I needed to do, I really just felt like God was asking me to give up my job. I had no other job lined up and really had no reason to leave other then to be obedient. The fear of the Lord is to obey Him, instantly, when you dont see a benefit, when it hurts and to completion. I feel like doing this fit all of those categories. So now here I am, no longer working at Starbucks. But here is the faithfulness of my God for ya.
   This past week I have been offered 3 different babysitting opportunities and I haven't even been gone from Starbucks for a week. If they all work out, I will have it set up that I will be working mon-fri, and be getting paid more then I would if I had stayed at Starbucks. I will also have my weekends free and my schedule will be more stable so I can participate in music, church and other ministries.

     I am also hoping to be putting out some new music soon. It will be very different from anything I've done before and I'm very excited to show this side of myself. So keep your eyes open for updates, and if you haven't check it out, you can listen to some past music of mine on my facebook page. Simply search Sarah Aubel music.

   Thank you to everyone for your continued support and encouragement in my life! Thanks for reading!

Facing Fear of Failure

      This past weekend was our youth group's annual trip to Baltimore for Acquire the Fire. Last year was a blast. I had just gotten back from Finland and had seen God do some amazing things. Just getting home was a miracle alone! That was a hard time but somehow I never forgot the grace of God on my life to help lead a school. This year was much different though. Being a "youth leader", I always just assume that I am there for God to use me to invest into these kids and that I'm lucky to get something out of it, but this year was the total opposite. Two thousand twelve has not had the smoothest start to say the least. It seems to be just one thing after another. Really though if I think about it, life has just been one thing after the other. I guess that's just how it is, so why in this round of blows am I choosing to deal differently? For some reason this time around I've forgotten how to keep Him at the center.
 
        Recently I found myself completely burned out. The month of April was booked solid and at times I had double booked myself. I met with one of my best friends and told her I just couldn't do it anymore. I was just too exhausted. I was just saying "yes" to everything because somehow I always find a legit reason for my answer. What I didn't realize was that by doing this to myself, I was constantly giving and giving and giving but never allowing myself time to fill back up. What happens when you don't allow time for God to speak into your life and define who you are? You start to listen to who people say you are. They begin to define you and you take on the identity that other people say you should have and because you don't allow the time to get your identity from God, you lose yourself. That is exactly what happened to me.
 
       I've known what I was made for since the age of 13. Even before I allowed Him to be a part of my life something in me always had a longing to do this one thing, though I never told anyone. To this day, there are few who know me well enough to know what I'm made for. I believe for a time it was God's way of protecting me, but now it's time to step into my identity. God has been speaking to me over the past couple of weeks about who I am but I have been trying to block it out. I'm too afraid to face it. My reason: Fear of Failure. I'm so scared that I will mess it up. That I will let myself get in the way of what He wants to do. I know myself, without Him I'm weak. I cave under pressure and because I know myself, I don't trust myself. I simply look at my decisions these past few months and am completely baffled at why God would ever want to use me! What I always seems to forget though is that He trusts me. Friday night as we walked into the stadium, immediately He began speaking truth to me and immediately I rolled my eyes (yes, I do roll my eyes at God...He can take it). Throughout the weekend, He just kept speaking and affirming the calling He has placed on my life. Finally during the last session as we were singing "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me", I heard Him speak these words....

"I would rather you move forward holding my hand and fall then stay complacent and do nothing. At least if you fall while walking beside me, doing what I've called you to do, I am right there to pick you back up."

  How do I know I can trust these words? Psalm 12:6 - "The words of the Lord are pure words. As silver tried in a furnace on the earth refined seven times." This has been source of strength for this year.

    I don't feel adequate; I don't feel prepared and I'm scared half to death, BUT courage is not the absence of fear; it's doing it afraid. If He trusts me, I HAVE to trust me too. It's time for me to face my destiny and do what I was made for. Thank God I don't have to do this alone.

Kony 2012

      Alright, after seeing all the hype, viewing the video myself and doing extensive research on the issue as well as asking God for insight, I have come to my conclusion on the Kony 2012 campaign. Here are my thoughts:

   As a missionary and just a person who has general compassion toward justice issues, I totally agree that what Joseph Kony did was totally wrong and his actions are evil, but to call him evil is wrong. He is still a person just like you and I. He has free will and though he chooses to live for evil, it does not make him evil. I feel like we as Americans have taken the "justice" issue way too far. It angers me when we as a country proclaim a man to be evil and then go on a man hunt to take him down cursing him all the way and corporately hating him. I remember when we did it to Bin Laden, it broke my heart. Osama Bin Laden died a hated man and now we want to do the same thing to Kony? From what God's been teaching me about love, it just doesn't sound like something He would do. God loves both Bin Laden and Kony, not their actions but he loves them. We should too.

   In all my researching, God reminded me of the story of Paul. But before he was Paul, he was Saul who just so happen to be a murderer of hundreds of Christians. He persecuted people for being followers of Christ. But one day, as he was traveling to massacre more Christians, God stopped him in his tracks and revealed Himself to Saul. All it took was one encounter with Christ and it changed the course of Saul's life. Why can't He do the same thing for Kony? Instead of making a video that doesn't give us much to do rather then bash a human being made in the image of God just like you and I, why are we not praying that Kony has a life changing God encounter. What if we took a day and instead of posting posters about an "evil" man we rallied together as the body of Christ to cry out on behalf of this man that God loves even despite his current choices. Prayer moves His heart. We have the power to change this situation for better or for worse. How we use our words for or against this man, will change the course of his life. In our words are either blessing or cursing. The way you respond will directly affect this man's life. Speak words of life. Reflect love.

        Let's remember who Saul went on to be. Paul, an apostle of Christ who's ministry was immense! He wrote how many letters that uplifted and encouraged the body of Christ during some of Christianity's hardest times. He saw people healed and led so many to enter into the freedom that he found after just ONE encounter with Christ. That's all it takes. Joseph Kony has a future and a destiny. Let's pray that he finds out who he was meant to be.
 
        So in conclusion, the video's purpose and all the controversy about it doesn't really matter. It's just more drama and debating that we don't need. The video's job was to bring awareness and it did just that. So now that we all know all about Joseph Kony, we can pray for him even more.

Don't forget, I've defeated you before

      There is always that one thing that each of us feel like we can never get rid of. And as soon as I said that, that one thing popped into your mind. It's the battle that we feel like we won and then it comes back and we're like "WHAT THE HECK! I thought I beat you!". Recently, my one thing has tried to ease it's way back into my life and unfortunately I succumbed to it. The Holy Spirit brought it to my attention and led me to get help and I did, but a battle is never won without a fight. Fighting is hard, it's exhausting, it's so much work! But we can't beat our struggles if we just let them beat us. We have to fight back. There was a point where I was feeling completely powerless and I shared with a friend and her and two others sat down and prayed with me. We asked the Holy Spirit to speak but all I could hear in my mind was "You will not win this". They asked me what I was hearing and I told them. My one friend said, ok were gonna acknowledge the enemy and say yeah I may not beat you today and I may not even beat you tomorrow, but just know I will keep fighting until I take you down. Battles are rarely fought in one day. Especially when you have allowed it to become a part of you, but if you keep fighting you WILL win!

Another thing that I was really struggling with was the thought that I had thought I beat this thing for good. I never wanted to deal with it again. But here is truth. The enemy knows what pushes your buttons and he knows what's gotten to you before, so why wouldn't he throw the same struggle back in your face! Why wouldn't he come back for revenge! But our response cannot be defeat that it came back, that gives him even more ammo to use against us! We have to learn to see the attack when it comes and fight it straight away. Don't allow the fact that it's back to make you shrink back, use it to fuel your fight even more!
I was watching Wizards of Waverly Place today (no surprise there! haha!) and there was a quote that Alex said that just really hit this concept home for me. She had fought and defeated this evil guy before and surprise! He returned for revenge (just like the enemy). She looked at him in the face and says to him "Don't forget I've defeated you before". Yes! That is the stance we have to take. Instead of allowing self-pity to destroy us, we have to remember the battles we have already won! It's for that reason that in the Bible when Israel won a battle, God had them build monuments so that they would remember the battles they won. You are a winner! You know how to fight! A problem cant come back unless you have already defeated it before. We have to fight like winners! It makes me think of when God spoke that simple phrase to me "Self pity destroys hope"! It's so true. If you act defeated, you will be defeated. Remember your wins, and stare the enemy in the face and say "Don't forget, I've defeated you before".....