So recently I found myself feeling pretty overwhelmed. My tendency when I feel this way is to shut down so I can function without losing it! Haha, it only works for so long. My problem came when I was so stressed that I just had a meltdown and had no idea why. I had no idea what my emotions were because I was shut down to feeling anything. So I decided to pick up my journal. Someone had prayed over me once and told me to never stop journaling because it was going to be a means for me to help others but honestly, it is more for my own sake then anyone else's. So I sat down and just began to write. It had been almost a month since I had last written and this is coming from the girl that has a suitcase full of 13 completed journals from the time I was 14 to 24. I really didn't know what to write but as I began writing, somehow I began to just fill the pages. It was as if someone pulled the stopper on my mind and everything just started to pour out. Before I started writing I had no idea how I had gotten to where I was at but after I was done and read back over it, I was able to see the complete process and even find the root of where it all began. You know what I found???? It all started from NOT JOURNALING! Go figure.
I am an outward processor. If I don't find a way to think outside of my head, everything starts to pile up! I forget to do things because I have too many mental lists and I get stressed out and one thing leads to the next and before you know it I am completely shut down because my mind has become so cluttered that I don't even know where to start. So that's what journaling is for me. It's literally a way for me to de-clutter my mind so I can think straight. The crazy part is, if you know me well you can tell when my mind starts to get cluttered. My room becomes cluttered, I'm less productive, I'm more tired, I eat less, and I'm way less creative....it's all a downward spiral that leads to ultimately depression. Thank God I didn't get there. The most important thing I realized though was my conversations with God had died down massively! On a normal day talking to God is like breathing. We just talk throughout the day. He and I have always had that kind of relationship, but when my mind gets cluttered, He goes silent. It's not because He's no longer talking, it's just my mind is talking so much louder then His voice! The best feeling in the world is for my conversations with God to be effortless but in order to keep that I have to maintain my life in such a way that I am open to hearing Him without anything getting in the way.
As soon as I cleared my thoughts I was able to make a list of priorities that needed to be put in place. I cleaned my room and got rid of the clutter in there, I went grocery shopping and started being more aware of my water intake, and I have had so much more motivation to do creative projects! I also now see a strategy of the enemy. It doesn't seem like not journaling would be that big of a deal (and maybe it's not your way of clearing your head) but for me, it is a trigger that if he can convince me to not journal today, and then tomorrow and then the next day.....all those thoughts that I'm not writing down start to build up inside of me and there goes the process all over again.
So that being said, I'm taking my journaling more seriously. Clearly it's a big deal! I'm also going to be starting to blog weekly. I find that I only really blog when something big happens, but I'm gonna take this a step further and blog what God is teaching me. God created me to be a writer, so that's what I'm going to do! I also know that people read this ;) So if you're reading this I want feedback! What's your way of keeping your mind clear and de-cluttered so that you can function in who God has created you to be?
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