I've Moved!

If you have stumbled across this blog or are used to me posting here, well then I am happy to send you in a new direction to my blog. Have fun checking it out!

www.composingjustice.com/

Coming Soon!!!

       I have some pretty exciting news! This December I will be launching a brand new blog! Wooohooo! I have been blessed with some very cool opportunities with blogging and will be doing things just a little bit differently. I will be posting more often and on a variety of different topics. So if you have enjoyed reading this blog, keep your eyes peeled for what's coming next and feel free to pass it on and chime in even!

Looking forward to sharing more with you soon!

The Habit of Prayer

   

    On November 5, 2013, my beloved grandfather passed away. He was such a sweet man. The whole way through the memorial service the pastor talked about his faith in God. His faith was something I got to experience first hand during the past couple of years.

   Both of my grandparents had been taking turns being in the hospital and/or rehab and while one was getting well, the other would stay with us at my mom's house. The one incident I remember most was when my grandma was in the rehabilitation center and my grandpa was staying with us. His favorite dessert was cherry pie so the one day my sister made him one. Every time he saw me he would say "Young lady, theres a cherry pie out there. You should try some". I would then have to tell him that I did not like cherry pie, but despite that fact every five minutes he would say "Young lady, theres a cherry pie out there. You should try some". So when they served cherry pie after the funeral, even though I don't like it, I made sure to finish off a piece, just for grandpa.
   
      The thing that impacted me most was how every evening he would sit in the rocking chair with a piece of paper. I discovered that it was the prayer request list from his church bulletin. He would sit there every evening in silence and pray over that list for hours. At some points I was certain he'd fallen asleep but then he'd get up when he heard the heater turn on. His dedication to prayer is something I not only want, but need to inherit. So I thought of a way to challenge myself in making prayer for others a habit in my life.

    I've seen the whole thankfullness posts on facebook for the whole month of November. So my idea is, starting in December, to write out one person or situation for every day of the month and just pray for that one thing. It's not hours of intercession but one prayer is better then no prayer. I've learned that when I try to instill a habit in my life I always seem to shoot too high. I end up giving up by like day 5 because I tried to do too much at one time. So I'm starting small. One prayer a day for a month. Then maybe in January I can pray for two things a day! My goal is to create the habit of prayer for others in my life.

   So what do you think? How is your prayer life? If it's better then mine then I applaud you and say keep it up! Prayer is vital to our lives and I know I've been taking it too lightly. If you're where I'm at then I'll invite you to do this challenge with me. Let's create the habit of changing the world with our prayers.

ps. I have one rule if you decide to do this challenge. Please, please, please! Do NOT post your prayers on facebook. Declaring thankfullness is one thing but prayer is between you and God. This is not about looking super spiritual in others eyes, nor is it a platform to express your opinion through prayer (seriously you already can do that in a status). Make this about you and God, period. :)

10 Do's and Don'ts of planning a DIY wedding

   

          I've been looking at my wedding pictures at least once a day since I got them back from my photographer (if you haven't seen my pictures then you should look at my previous post and check out Kayce Shoffner's work. She is awesome!). It's all still sinking in that I really am married. I love looking back and reliving the day that I married my best friend, but in all my reminiscing I have come up with a list of do's and don'ts that I have learned from planning my own DIY wedding.


1. DO! Eat! Seriously, have someone who will be willing to nag you, pull you away from doing things and shove food down your throat. I can probably give you a list of the things I ate on my wedding day and had it not been for my dear friend sticking food in my hand and saying "EAT THIS!", I wouldn't have eaten anything until dinner. They also bribed me and said if I didn't eat I wasn't allowed to have any champagne. It worked.

2. DON'T! Forget to give everyone their gifts! I gave my bridesmaids their gifts, and remembered to send my gift to my groom but completely forgot to give my mom and my mother in law their gifts! Whoops. :/

3. DO! Make a list of everything that needs done! And then make copies of that list and give to your maid of honor, your groom, your mom, your mother in law....anyone and everyone! After I was taken to get my hair and makeup done there were things that never got done. It's nobody's fault, they didn't know. So we didn't have a nice glass for communion, and the juice wasn't poured, and the bread wasn't taken out of the bag. Ya know, just little details that made a sacred moment just a bit tacky. Nobody else cared but I did.

4. DON'T! Let people talk you out of doing something you want to do! I knew I wanted to do a first look as soon as I got engaged but then I talked to a couple different people about it. I was told that seeing your groom before the ceremony took away from the moment when he first see's you walking down the aisle and I didn't want to miss out on that. After meeting with my photographer she sent me an article to read about first looks and how so many couples say that it doesn't do that at all! That "this is happening!" emotion is still just as genuine and real if you see your groom before or not. Do what you want to do and don't let anyone's opinion change it! You'll only regret something if it's something you didn't really want to do.

5. DO! Delegate! Seriously, you are one person and cannot be in ten places at the same time. This goes for the day of and all the planning leading up to the wedding. I really didn't ask for much help throughout the planning process until the very end. I realized how important it is to ask for help when I had to make 150 wedding favors. Had I done it myself it probably would have taken me a couple days, but since I had a great group of friends knock them out, it only took about 2 hours! And it was super fun!

6. DON'T! Let tradition hold you back from doing something original. If you are really back and forth about keeping a tradition, look up the history of the tradition. Ten bucks says you'll be like what the heck and then want to do your own thing even more! Do you know how the tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding started? It was to make sure the groom didn't run away after seeing the bride! So if you're certain you got a keeper, do yourself a favor and see him before the ceremony. Seriously, it's one of the best choices I made!

7. DO! Have someone else do your hair and makeup! Yes, I could have very well done it myself but I wouldn't have looked nearly as great and I wouldn't have gotten to have a chance to just sit for and hour and a half and just soak in the day. It forced me to just sit still and let everything happen. I didn't pay big bucks for a hair stylist and makeup artist but I did ask a wonderful friend who is gorgeous herself and I really wanted to be part of my day to come make me look gorgeous. And seriously, she did an amazing job! If you have a friend who you love the way they look, chances are they will make you look good too.

8. DON'T! Buy one of the cute personalized wire hangers with your married name or bride off of etsy! I love etsy and found so much stuff for my wedding on there but save yourself $20 and make the hangers yourself. They are so not hard and for $11 I made five of them! I not only had a cute hanger for myself but also for my three bridesmaids and flower girl. They each had a hanger with their name and it was adorable! So go buy the supplies, get on youtube, find a tutorial and DIY!

9. DO! Have a wedding coordinator! No, not a wedding planner. I was completely against paying someone to do what I knew I could do but I didn't know that a wedding planner and a wedding coordinator are two completely different things! A wedding planner helps with all the planning and decorating and food and stuff. A wedding coordinator makes sure everything happens on time and everyone is where they need to be. I was so lucky that one of my dear friends was able to step in during the rehearsal and run the whole show! She took the load off of my shoulders and made sure everything was happening smoothly. I am convinced had she not been there I would not have enjoyed my wedding as much as I did.


10. DON'T! Stress if everything doesn't go exactly as planned. It rained during our reception. Not just a little shower, it poured!! We didn't end up doing quite a few things that we planned. We were gonna do a first dance (my husband wanted to do that), we had written songs for each other
to sing during the reception, and we had s'mores to make! We ended up just scratching the dance and the songs and only the people who waited out the storm got to make s'mores. Heres the thing, yes I when I was dreaming and pinteresting these things sounded like things I just had to include in my day but when it comes down to it your wedding isn't about what you did or didn't do during the event, its about being married to the one you love. As long as that happens, then I'd say your day was nothing less then perfect!


Happy Wedding Planning!

The Forever Roberts

  October 19, 2013     

           It was a cold October morning. The ground was wet with the morning dew as I walked around the wedding site. I had arrived early to clear my head and talk to God before the chaos started. The sun was rising and shining on the spot where Corey and I would become husband and wife later that day. I thought I'd be more nervous and anxious then I was, but even knowing all the things that needed to be done before the ceremony was to start, all I could feel was an overwhelming peace. No matter what happened, if everything went exactly as planned or not I was marrying the man of my dreams and my very best friend. Nothing could bring me down and nothing did.

     I was so blessed to have so many awesome people help me set up and make everything look exactly how I envisioned. I loved having a bonfire and scriptures everywhere. There were blankets and s'mores and all the colors just looked amazing. There was a wall of pictures of Corey and I and for cake we had zebra cakes! Yes, the little debbie kind. My wonderful friend Jess came to do my hair and makeup. She did such a beautiful job! It was so relaxing to just get to sit back and enjoy being forced to sit down. 

 
         The moment finally came to put on my dress. I'll be honest, I procrastinated doing this because I knew once I was in it everything would feel real. That's exactly what happened. The moment my dress was on I finally felt like a bride! I was getting married and even though everything was falling into place right before my eyes, this was the moment that made it all a reality. I loved my dress! It had pockets and I was absolutely in love with them. I knew as soon as I tried this dress on for the first time that it was the one. There were times after I bought it that I questioned if I had made a hasty choice but having it on, hair and makeup done and jewelry on, everything felt right. It was totally a ME dress and I knew Corey would love it too!

    Corey and I did a "First Look". That's right, we saw each other before the ceremony. I wrestled with this decision too but I'm so glad we chose this! It was one of the highlights of the day. As much as I loved spending time with all my wonderful friends and family lets be honest, I was getting ready to marry the love of my life and I really just wanted to be with him. I knew that I would be too nervous if I waited till the ceremony to see him and I knew that if I was able to see him and talk to him I would feel more prepared to be in front of all those people. It was such a special moment that I am completely biased to seeing your groom before the wedding! We got to spend most of our wedding day with each other, and I loved that. We also pre-read our vows to each other. The week before the wedding we were sharing with each other how we were struggling with the fear of giving up our single lives so we prayed about a way that we could really lay down that part of our lives for each other. I felt like God was telling me that our vows were that so I suggested that we read them to each other prior to the ceremony so we could really focus on what we were vowing to each other. It was so special and I love that I actually know what he said.

          Our ceremony was the most beautiful experience of my life. I really didn't know how I'd feel but I definitely didn't cry. I was actually all smiles and completely giddy through the whole thing! I have been told by multiple people that I was a very fun bride to watch. Haha, well I'm glad I was entertaining. We wrote our own vows to each other, took communion together putting God first in our marriage and then washed each others feet as a commitment to serve one another just as Christ did. Kneeling down to wash my husbands feet and pray over him was my favorite part of the ceremony. I couldn't have thought of a more perfect way to honor and lay down my life for him. I pray it will always be a reminder to me to honor and serve him all the days of my life.

         The reception was fun! It was relaxed and laid back and right at 7 o'clock it began to pour down raining. We didn't get to do all the things we planned and a lot of people left when the rain calmed down but really I could have cared less! The people that stayed had fun with us. The bonfire was still going and Corey and I got to roast a marshmallow together. The kids had fun playing with the sparklers and I was now able to socialize without the obligation that I needed to get to every single table and say hi to everyone! God knows me well and as much as I love every person we invited, if I would have had to say hi to all of them by the end of the night I would have been spent. The night became more of an intimate get together, the sky cleared up and we were able to really spend time with the people that were left. That my friends was the wedding I really wanted, and even if it took a downpour to get it, I got it and I couldn't have been happier! Corey and I were almost the last people to leave our own wedding and we spent the last moments of the night drinking a glass of champagne with the Weir family. It truly was a beautiful day and I wouldn't have done it any different. In the end, I was married to my very best friend and now we are blessed to begin doing life together. I am excited to learn how to be the best wife I can to support my husband. I am so happy to be with him and cannot wait for all that we are able to do together! So here are a few more pictures for you to enjoy! I hope you have been blessed by our wedding and that through our love you have seen the love of Christ! We live to model who He is and it is our prayer that how we love each other would be an example of how God loves the world.

© Photography by Kayce Shoffner

- Sarah Robert

"She was a Princess worth waiting for"

     

          My name is Sarah. In hebrew, Sarah means "Princess". Growing up it always made me feel special. What girl doesn't want to be able to tell her friends "I'm a Princess!" and then knowing that they're name was not Sarah, I continued to ask...."what are you?". Maybe not the most princess thing for me to do, but I was little. A princess in training really. As I grew older and started to see how popular my name was, I began to lose my pride in the title. I didn't feel special anymore. Apparently, I was not the only Princess in the world, there were MANY! Even in sunday school, I would hear that God is the King and when we invite Jesus to come into our hearts, then that makes us a Princess because now we are daughters of the King! Well now my teacher was telling me that EVERY girl was a princess. My feelings of superiority and uniqueness had been stripped from me and instead of taking pride in my name, I began to hate it. As I grew older, I met so many Sarah's and then to top that off, Sarah Elizabeths, that my name made me fade into a sea of girls who were told they were just as special as me. What's so special about that! What was there left to make me stand out!

      We now live in a day where Disney tells every little girl they are a princess. They have so many dresses and tiaras that they can choose from not to mention the movies they can watch of princess' who they aspire to be, but what does the term princess mean to them? Every little girl wants to be one but why? From my "research" of disney princess movies, I've found that they all end with marrying a prince and get to wear a big pretty dress and a tiara. They have reduced being a princess to having everything you want, getting your prince charming and living happily ever after! Reality is, these princess' don't end up marrying a prince charming because they don't actually have princess qualities. They just look like one. In the ending scene of "Tangled", Flynn describes Repunzel as what I feel separates the Princess' from the Posers....

"She was a Princess worth waiting for......"

    What makes you a princess worth waiting for? And so I turn to Proverbs 31 (NASB). I won't post the whole passage here but I've gone through and pulled out the qualities it mentions.
A princess worth waiting for is: trustworthy, encouraging, has a good work ethic, eats properly, leads by serving others, knows how to manage money, dreams of the future, exercises, is discerning, prepared for the future, is generous, takes care of her family, is positive, wise, and is kind with her words.

    These are the qualities a Prince will look for. You can't have your happily ever after as a Princess if you don't act like one because you won't attract a Prince! If we are going to tell young girls that they are Princess', then we need to be teaching them to act like them. We have to explain that what truly makes them a Princess isn't the title, the dress or the tiara, it's the qualities they possess. If they expect a Prince to wait for them, then they need to be a Princess worth waiting for.

   So as I am getting ready to marry my Prince Charming, I will be diving into this passage even deeper. I want to be the Princess that he's been waiting for. I want to have a happily ever after, but wether or not I get that will depend on if I'm truly a Princess, or a Poser. And if God decides to bless me with a little princess of my own one day, I want to be ready to teach her how to be a real Princess like the Bible describes, not disney.

To the Bride who is ready to elope!

   I hit it. That point in wedding planning where I started to loathe the process. From craft projects, to food choices, to guest inviting people not on the list; yes I'm ready to elope. What started out as fun, crafts, dreams coming true has now turned into the thing in my life that I want to procrastinate even more so then laundry!

   Worries have started to settle in my mind taking the place of excitement and expectation. People asking a totally logical question or offering helpful advice feels more like a huge boulder added on top of my already toppling mountain that I've been carrying around. It's not them, it's me. And if I don't get rid of the load, I will not make it to my wedding day.

   My problem is fear. Fears of regret, that I will make decisions that 10 years from now will make me want to smack myself upside the head. Fears that I won't have enough for ALLLLLL these people that see our wedding day as something they can't miss out on! (tell me why do we have to be so popular!?!?!?!) Fears that things won't turn out as I'm planning them. Fears that it will rain! Stupid stupid fear!

  So yesterday, I got sick of fear. I went to God about the wedding. He reminded me of a wedding that Jesus went to. The one that marked His ministry. The one where they ran out of wine and He made more! He reminded me that Jesus also calmed a huge storm. (Why am I worried again?) He reminded me of Isaiah 45:2-3 which tells me "He is going before me and making the rough places smooth. Shattering the gates of bronze and cutting their iron bars. He is giving me the treasures of darkness and the hidden wealth of secret places because I have made Him my God and He knows me by my name!". He reminded me that it's just a day. My marriage is what matters. He reminded me that I know how to make good decisions and He trust me to make the right ones but even if I fall short on a decision I have Isaiah 45:2-3 to fall back on. And then as I was talking things out with my future husband (whom God then reminded me why I love Him so much), Corey pointed out that there is a reason all these people are coming to our wedding. That's when God changed my complete idea of what this wedding is about.

   God has given Corey and I a day where we can stand in front of close family, extended family, friends, friends of friends, and allow them the honor of staring at a miracle. They get to witness the very work of God as Corey and I vow to each other to honor and serve one another. They get to witness us paint a picture of Jesus, just as He laid down His life for us, we get to lay down our lives for each other. We get to surround our guest with the very love of Christ as we show love towards one another just as Christ showed love towards us. This wedding is not just about me, it's a way for God to work through me by using the testimony Corey and I have. We would not be where we are without Christ and we want Him to be the center of this day. By coming to this wedding, our guest won't just see Corey and I get married, they will see Jesus Himself.

  My perspective has completely changed for this day. It is no longer about looking back and making sure I don't regret my decisions. It's no longer about what hair style I have or what the centerpieces look like. It's about being a picture of Christ for our family and friends and giving them the chance to encounter the One who has made this all possible. God has brought us together not to put on a party, but to glorify Himself. With that thought in mind, my mountain has melted away and I feel the freedom to move forward in confidence that He will make this day far more then I can ever imagine. I will fix my eyes on Him, the One who has caused all things to work together for our good. I want to look back 10 years from now and remember how many people encountered Christ because of one day. THAT my friends, is my dream wedding.

Happy Wife, Happy Life

   I could not have thought of a better way to spend such a gorgeous saturday morning then to walk to Starbucks with my sweet friend, Jess. Coffee and a lovely conversation, yes please! God has blessed me with someone to enrich my life with fun and also wisdom, not to mention she's actually the same age as me! (which if you know me, that's rare)

   Something we talked about today was the phrase, "A happy wife means a happy life!". We both stated how we had mixed feelings about the saying so we talked it out. Yes, on the one hand there is truth to it. Men if you love your wife she will want to love you back (so feel free to do so), but so often this statement is translated as "It's my husbands job to make me happy at all times and if he doesn't make me happy, then I don't have to make him happy". Newsflash, that's not love. The Bible does tell husbands to love their wives, but love doesn't always look the way we want it. Sometimes love has to tell the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. But God didn't create marriage to suck because of the hard truths, He made it become even more wonderful because - I love the word Jess uses - it sanctifies us. It makes us more like Jesus because "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another".

    It's the purpose of marriage. This can be applied to relationships in general but God created a way for one man and one woman to enter a covenant based on a trust and a love that can only be shared between two people. It is meant to be a representation of what God wants to have with us. A relationship that reveals our flaws and causes us to become more like Jesus. Our self focused culture has taken the truth of the "hard" parts of marriage and lied to us saying that marriage is too hard and once theres no emotion to keep you together, then clearly it's time to call it quits. They reduced love to an emotion and once that's gone, they have no obligation to work at it because they are no longer "in love". The people who believe the lie that it's all downhill from marriage don't understand the concept of marriage. Dating isn't meant to fulfill you, it's only a stepping stone to the real deal. It's the reason you feel drawn to marriage but know that the hard parts in your dating relationship will only be amplified when you enter marriage. It's a turn-off for those who listen to the marriage definition of todays society, but at the same time it's a longing of the heart. People enter it based on how they feel, but when the person isn't making them feel the love that made them long for marriage, they have no obligation to try. If you base your love for people on how they make you feel, then you have not learned how to love.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8


    So next time when you're faced with a hard truth and it doesn't feel like your husband is making you happy, he is making you happy. You're not going to feel it instantly, in fact it may actually hurt in the moment but momentary affliction is worth it because of where it leads. It leads you to deal with something that is actually hindering your walk with God and your relationship with your spouse. That's true love. Love will take that risk of telling you something you don't want to hear because they want to see you grow. Love will put up with you when you get angry and decide not to make his favorite dinner because he made you upset by pointing out your flaw. Love will still be there waiting for the moment the light bulb goes off and you realize he was right. Love will respond with walking you through whatever you need to help you become the person you were created to be. And when you are walking in your destiny, you can't NOT be happy.


PS. You don't have to wait till you're in a relationship to do this! God has called us to love each other. That means your family, your best friend, your co-workers ect... It's the same principle. God gave us each other so we could spur one another on towards Christ. Thank God for the people in your life that love you enough to push you to become better, and strive to love people enough to show love even when you don't feel like it. It's good practice for marriage!

Prayer and Social Media

  Recently I've noticed that prayer status' have become a trend amongst my christian friends on facebook. At first I just passed over it and wasn't even interested but the more I've seen this trend, the more interested I became and decided to read what people were posting. Now, I can say that I LOVE when people post scripture and testimonies! There's nothing like being able to scroll through facebook and read truth and see what God is doing in my friends lives. It is encouraging and beneficial to my life. So for those of you who are doing that, THANK YOU! But something that I just have not had peace about was people posting prayers about themselves on social media.

Before I continue here is a disclaimer: If God has specifically told you to start praying on facebook, by all means please do. I'm all about being obedient to God and the last thing I am trying to do is judge peoples actions. I only see the outward appearance, it's God who knows your heart but I would caution those who are praying publicly and haven't sought God about why you are praying over social media. I would encourage you to do so.

  So here were some of my thoughts as I was trying to figure out what my deal was. If I'm being honest, the prayers annoyed me. At first I thought there was something wrong with me. I mean, praying on facebook, that can be pretty bold and risky for some and they should be commended, right?! I thought I was irritated because they were doing something that I wasn't. But as I was reading these prayers I have no doubt that they are sincere and heartfelt, but in all honesty they didn't seem like prayers that I could agree with and say "Amen" to. To me they more so seemed like a way to let the world know how spiritual they were or to get a point across. Then I was reminded of a popular people group in the Bible that did the exact same thing.

The Pharisees. They flaunted their status and their entire identity revolved around appearing to say and do the right things. It looked like they were holy and they talked like they were besties with God, but when the Lord Himself walked in the room, they had no idea. They completely missed Him because they were so focused on keeping up appearances.

In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about how we should pray. In verse 5 He says "When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full."

So after reading this passage let me ask you, how serious are you about your prayers? Do you really want to see them happen or is the recognition from your 500+ facebook friends enough for you? God created prayer not as a means for drawing attention to ourselves, but to draw us closer to Himself. Prayer to me is a very private thing. It's like sharing secrets with my best friend. I don't get up on a stage and yell my secrets for the world to hear, I pull my best friend aside and spend one on one, private time with them. Sharing the depths of my heart with them. That is what prayer means to me.

Now before you argue and start debating me about praying for other people and countries and problems publicly and insert the "when 2 or 3 are gathered" line, I will ask you to consider this. When any of the great leaders of the Bible discussed with God something that was really on their heart, that they really wanted to see changed or made better, how did they approach God? Was it in public where everyone could agree with them and shout an "AMEN!", or did they go off and have a heart to heart with their Lord, the One they knew heard their cries and would answer them, not because of how many people they got to agree with them, but simply because they asked.

Change in your life won't happen because you posted a prayer on facebook. It will happen when you sign off facebook and spend time with the Person you are asking to change you.

Peace that passes understanding

   It wasn't too long ago that I was finding myself somewhat stressed out. The thought of planning a wedding has been on my mind as well as finances and just typical life situations. I have very high expectations for myself so when I don't meet them, I begin to get frustrated and feel like I'm failing. It's not true but it's an emotion I have to deal with nontheless. So the other day, Corey and I were trying to discuss some future things, that are not so far off in the future, and he could tell I was starting to freak out a bit over stuff I don't normally freak out over. He pointed out that I was not living from PEACE.

   In my Original Design, one of the things is "PEACE to withstand ANY circumstance". I have the capability to have peace no matter the circumstance, but this isn't just for me, this is actually something that Jesus left with us as a command as He left earth and ascended into Heaven....

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

   Then this morning I was listening to Adventures in Odyssey (if you dont know what it is, it's a radio drama I've listened to since I was a kid) and "It is Well" was playing. This episode tells the story of Horatio G. Spafford, the man who wrote the song "It is well with my soul". It tells the story of his life and the tragedies that he endured. He lost his son to sickness, he lost his business to the great Chicago fire, and then he loses his 3 daughters to a ship collision! I can only imagine what his emotions were during that time, but in the midst of it he penned these words, 

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, 

       When sorrows like sea billows roll,

  Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

       It is well, it is well, with my soul"

    Then it hit me! Not that I didn't know but it was a good reminder for me. Peace is NOT an emotion! It is a CHOICE! His emotions in those times were most likely the furthest thing from peaceful but he writes about how even when he is faced with the decision to have peace or give into his circumstance, God has taught him to choose peace.

 Peace is hard to choose sometimes. Sometimes it's hard to understand how you can choose peace in EVERY circumstance, but one of my favorite Bill Johnson quotes is this, "If you want peace that passes understanding, you have to give up your right to understand". Peace shows trust in God. When you have to choose peace you are choosing to say "God I don't get this, I dont know why this is happening but I trust you." Peace is the result of faith in God, the opposite is despair. Wether you have peace or not will allow you to see where you are placing your faith. God calls us to thrive with whatever hand we are dealt, it's called good stewardship. Even if you only have the breath in your lungs you have something to give the world. What are you going to choose to do with that breath. Complain and grumble and be miserable? That's not what we are called to. We are called to peace in EVERY circumstance. Give up your right to understand, choose peace and you will see miracles happen in your life. To have a miracle you have to have an impossible situation. We often want the miracles, but without the impossible situation. 

    So what it comes down to is a choice. I have to choose to reject self pity, and act from faith which will result in peace. You don't always choose your circumstances, but you can choose how you are going to deal with them. I used to discipline myself that whenever I was in a bad situation that was out of my control or I didn't understand I would sit down at the piano and sing "I dont understand your ways, oh but I will give you my song, give you all of my praise". That should be our response 100% of the time. No excuses. He promised us peace, if we don't have peace it's because we are rejecting it. 

We're Engaged!!!!!!!

   I'm so excited that this gets to be my next blog post. I'm thinking that I may have to just tell our story next time. It's a dramatic story of how God miraculously kept moving Corey and I closer together and even when things looked impossible, He had people praying for us and totally caused all things to work together for our good. I wouldn't change our story at all! I have come to love every aspect of it and am so glad we are here today. But I'm sure you're all dying to hear how he asked me to marry him so let me just tell you....because I am totally excited and pretty sure I was smiling in my sleep last night. ;)

   So about a week and a half ago, Corey told me he wanted to do something special for his brother Elijah's graduation. He was planning on just giving a speech but I suggested we do an Original Design for him instead. For those of you who are unfamiliar, an original design is where you sit down and ask God to show you some things about the person that He created them to be. Corey thought it was a great idea so we took some time to sit down and pray for Elijah. Let me just stop to say that praying with Corey is one of my favorite things to do. I have never met a man who hears God with me so accurately. Whenever we go to God about something, we always come away with the same conclusion. This comes in real handy when we are solving disagreements! So after hearing from God, we typed it up all nice, had it printed out on some fancy paper and put it in a nice frame! He said we would gather everyone up at some point during the party and present it to him because he wanted his dad to record it as well. He also made sure to tell me that he wanted me by his side for the whole ordeal as well.

   So yesterday, June 1st, I went over to the Robert house for Elijah's graduation celebration. I got to meet a bunch of the family from out of state and other family I haven't met as well. It was fun to get to spend time with them and get to know them. Around 4pm Corey decided to gather everyone up so we could give Elijah his gift from us. So everyone piled in the living room, his dad turned on the camera and Corey started his speech about his brother and we presented the gift to him. It was a super sweet moment already. Well we ended it and then Corey starts to say how he just has one more thing to do while he had everyones attention. He started talking about us and our history together and how much of a team we are and how he wants to begin a new chapter together. Before I know it, he turned to me and starts to get down on one knee!!! I was like NO WAY!!!! I was so shocked, I honestly can't even remember what he said but somehow he asked me to marry him and I said yes (which he doesn't remember) and the ring ended up on my hand which was shaking so badly from excitement! It was so special to be able to share such an incredible moment with our family and friends!

So there it is!!! He got me good! I couldn't be happier with the way Corey has asked me to be his wife. I am thrilled to be getting married to my very best friend. I wouldn't want to live without him. God is good! And Romans 8:28 has never been more real to me in my life. God gets all the glory for this one! We wouldn't be where we are without Him. May we always remember how far He's brought us, He is so faithful. :)

Love vs. Lies

  It will never cease to amaze me how God can take this thing called love and make it an endless lesson.  He has made it my life long pursuit and I can honestly say that I don't understand how vast of a subject it really is, but I guess when love is a Man it is a subject that I cannot afford to not chase after every single day of my life.

   A couple years ago I was sitting in my pastors office. I was in a point of my life where I was unsure of what I was doing with it and was struggling with the direction God was taking me. As I sat there trying to explain what I was doing, though not really knowing myself he pointed something out to me that I am so glad he had the guts to say. He told me that I was living a very selfish life. I was pursuing my "ministry" and my "goals" but completely missing relationships in my life. I was focused so much on becoming something that everyone could be proud of instead of caring about the thing that God cares most about. People. My pastor went on to ask me where a husband and kids fit into my picture and what about getting plugged in to a church family. He pointed out that I cannot do what I was trying to do without letting people in and establishing solid deep relationships.

   So here I am, further down the road in life and God has placed a wonderful man of God right in front of me. He is my very best friend and I couldn't imagine doing life with anyone else. God has been so faithful to work all things for good in our relationship but I was so hesitant to be in this relationship. My biggest setbacks about dating Corey were two lies I fell for.....

1. A boy will distract me from my relationship with God
     Now this has the potential to be true if I were to pick a man that is not pursuing God but in this situation that is the biggest lie in the world. I am so grateful for how Corey loves God and pushes me to love God. He is a man of the Word and is always wanting to talk about what God is showing us in our personal quiet times. He has chosen to be consumed by who God is and therefore by being with him, I am forced to be pursuing God as well. But the most amazing thing I have been learning lately is how God uses how Corey loves me to show me how HE wants to love me! As Corey learns to love God, he learns how to love me and it shows me a completely different aspect of God's love for me that I could never learn on my own because the way Corey learns about God's love is different from the way I learn about His love. I also was afraid that I didn't have the capability to love God with everything in me AND a man without it taking away from my love for God. But what I have seen is that I cannot love Corey without loving God first. When we both are passionately pursuing God and continuously learning how to love Him, we have no choice but to learn how to love each other, and let me just say I have had some awesome revelations about God's love from how Corey shows me love and it blows me away! God created marriage and it is not meant to be a distraction from Him but rather a runway TO Him.

2. I have to have MY life completely figured out and put together BEFORE I can date
    Ok, so I totally understand how relationships can be a distraction from pursuing your life goals and what God has for you but I am sick of hearing that you have to wait until you are done high school, college, have your dream job and everything perfectly in place before you can even think about dating. Everyone is different. You cannot put a to do list on life because God's plan is different for everyone. Corey's and my relationship is a total God thing and he's not finished college yet. I still live at home with my mom. By the worlds standards we should technically wait until he's finished college and I need to be living on my own and have my own career before we should even pursue this. But here's the thing, God has strategically moved Corey and I closer and closer together and even gone out of His way to redeem our relationship when it looked completely hopeless. Where we are now is a straight up miracle!!! So why should we ignore what God is doing with us just because we don't have everything checked off the worlds to do list. I know finances are a big deal and wisdom should be used in preparing for marriage but it should NEVER be the reason not to. I have seen God provide money for me and I still cannot explain how I got it so to not be obedient to what God is doing with us would be doubting the faithfulness of God to provide. He is a provider! We have been prayerfully moving forward in this and believe that God is telling us to stop procrastinating. We wasted a year apart, it's time to be serious about His plan for us.
   Then there is the fact that Corey is not finished school. I have been told that it's gonna be hard. I have been told marriage is hard but hey guess what else is hard.....LIFE!!!!! But you don't see people telling me to give up on life because it's hard. There will always be trials in life, they will either shape you or break you but the outcome is always up to you. Relationships are hard, yes, but they are a part of life and they are something God values. God uses relationships to refine us and teach us to love like He does. YWAM was hard, and going to Finland by myself to help lead a school was hard, so was leading an outreach by myself but you never heard people tell me NOT to do any of these things because they were gonna be hard. I came out of these experiences with a deeper relationship with God and a maturity in life. I learned so much from these experiences but I learned BECAUSE they were hard. If things were always easy, we would never grow. If I choose to stay single for the rest of my life (and let me just say there is nothing wrong with this if it's what God has called you to) I would choose to limit what God wants to do in my life.

   Relationships are a good thing. They are a God idea. As long as you pursue God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength He will bring along a person to continue to pursue God with you. God in a person is attractive. You cannot love God and NOT be attractive to someone. Learning to love is a lifelong pursuit. It starts with God and overflows to others, especially that one person that you chose to love God with. The results are a beautiful thing.

Love is a choice, and choosing to love Corey is one of best choices I will ever make.

Clear Mind = Clean Room

       So recently I found myself feeling pretty overwhelmed. My tendency when I feel this way is to shut down so I can function without losing it! Haha, it only works for so long. My problem came when I was so stressed that I just had a meltdown and had no idea why. I had no idea what my emotions were because I was shut down to feeling anything. So I decided to pick up my journal. Someone had prayed over me once and told me to never stop journaling because it was going to be a means for me to help others but honestly, it is more for my own sake then anyone else's. So I sat down and just began to write. It had been almost a month since I had last written and this is coming from the girl that has a suitcase full of 13 completed journals from the time I was 14 to 24. I really didn't know what to write but as I began writing, somehow I began to just fill the pages. It was as if someone pulled the stopper on my mind and everything just started to pour out. Before I started writing I had no idea how I had gotten to where I was at but after I was done and read back over it, I was able to see the complete process and even find the root of where it all began. You know what I found???? It all started from NOT JOURNALING! Go figure.

    I am an outward processor. If I don't find a way to think outside of my head, everything starts to pile up! I forget to do things because I have too many mental lists and I get stressed out and one thing leads to the next and before you know it I am completely shut down because my mind has become so cluttered that I don't even know where to start. So that's what journaling is for me. It's literally a way for me to de-clutter my mind so I can think straight. The crazy part is, if you know me well you can tell when my mind starts to get cluttered. My room becomes cluttered, I'm less productive, I'm more tired, I eat less, and I'm way less creative....it's all a downward spiral that leads to ultimately depression. Thank God I didn't get there. The most important thing I realized though was my conversations with God had died down massively! On a normal day talking to God is like breathing. We just talk throughout the day. He and I have always had that kind of relationship, but when my mind gets cluttered, He goes silent. It's not because He's no longer talking, it's just my mind is talking so much louder then His voice! The best feeling in the world is for my conversations with God to be effortless but in order to keep that I have to maintain my life in such a way that I am open to hearing Him without anything getting in the way.

   As soon as I cleared my thoughts I was able to make a list of priorities that needed to be put in place. I cleaned my room and got rid of the clutter in there, I went grocery shopping and started being more aware of my water intake, and I have had so much more motivation to do creative projects! I also now see a strategy of the enemy. It doesn't seem like not journaling would be that big of a deal (and maybe it's not your way of clearing your head) but for me, it is a trigger that if he can convince me to not journal today, and then tomorrow and then the next day.....all those thoughts that I'm not writing down start to build up inside of me and there goes the process all over again.

     So that being said, I'm taking my journaling more seriously. Clearly it's a big deal! I'm also going to be starting to blog weekly. I find that I only really blog when something big happens, but I'm gonna take this a step further and blog what God is teaching me. God created me to be a writer, so that's what I'm going to do! I also know that people read this ;) So if you're reading this I want feedback! What's your way of keeping your mind clear and de-cluttered so that you can function in who God has created you to be?

Words of Life

   Facebook usually inspires me to write posts I would otherwise not even think about on my own. Obviously there has been a lot of controversy going on today, however the issue at hand is not exactly what I want to focus on.

   God has really been speaking to me about the prophetic, my words, encouragement and why it is so important. I think it was two weeks ago in one of my classes that the teacher was talking about prophecy, what it is and what it isn't. They were talking about it in the sense of leading worship but I want to show it's place in day to day life. This was the example that was used: You're leading a worship service and all of a sudden you start to feel a negative emotion. Now just because you are feeling that emotion doesn't mean you are supposed to address the emotion but it's almost like it's God's way of showing you "hey, this is what's going on in the room. I want you to sing out the opposite". By doing this you aren't bringing attention to the negative, but speaking words that will get rid of the negative and create a positive. A lot of people when they think of prophecy they think of it as for-seeing gloom and doom over a nation. I'm not saying God doesn't show us the negative but I think we often get into "warn the world" mode instead of use what God showed us to change the world. God is really showing me that when I feel something negative, or see something bad to use it to fuel my prayers and speak out the opposite. If I just see the bad and speak out the bad, it will only create more bad.

   So now we come to my point. I cannot stand when people complain about America! I absolutely hate when people complain about our President. That's not to say that I am ignoring the state of our nation or that I agree with our Presidents decisions, but complaining will not change anything. Complaining is the complete opposite of what we should be doing. When we complain, we don't speak words of life over the situation. We actually feed into the situation we say we hate so much! God gave us creative speech. We have the ability to change the world with our words! If that doesn't make you think about what you're saying then I'm not sure what else to say. The Bible says that LIFE and DEATH are in the tongue. Complaining brings death 100% of the time. You cannot complain and expect something to change. It won't. The state of our nation is obvious. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how we are struggling, but one way to start to change the way we think about our nation is to start looking for the GOOD that is going on! Start posting the good things happening all over facebook! Let's speak words of life into our nation. Let's prophecy what we want to see happen! Only then will we see change.

   God spoke the world into existence, lets speak the world into the kingdom of Heaven!

Decisions and God

    A couple months ago, someone told me I needed to put more faith in myself rather then God. That statement has impacted me in quite a few ways. At first I immediately shot back with, "You have no idea who I am without God" and it's a true statement but I think God is starting to use that persons words again to teach me something a bit different.

   It's clear as day that without God I would be a complete mess. Possibly not even on the planet, who knows! (good thing we don't ever have to find out) But I have been weighing some decisions lately. Some pretty big, life changing, scary decisions and my biggest fear is that I will make the wrong one. My mind convinces myself that there is a perfect way to live life and if I make a wrong decision it will ruin God's for real plan for me. What a lie. So I decided to listen to one of my favorite podcasts entitled "Decisions and God". Eric Johnson shares some of his experiences in decision making and what God spoke to him. He talks about how when you love God making the obvious decisions is easy, but what about the ones that aren't sin? What about the ones where you have multiple options and all of them would produce something good and you wouldn't mind doing them but when you go to God for direction, He is completely SILENT! And this is what baffles me the most, Eric goes on to say how there comes a time where God trusts you to make good decisions. Now honestly, if I were God I would ALWAYS tell me exactly what to do because I just make better decisions that way. At least I think so, but there's this element of co-laboring with God that comes into play. If He was just up there like a navigator, dictating my every move He wouldn't be a very loving God now would He.
I heard this really great example for co-laboring with God. Say you have a child and you take them out for ice cream. You ask the child what flavor they would like. What flavor is their favorite? And their response to you is, "Oh I don't care about what flavor I want, I just want whatever you're having". As a parent, you would continue to ask them what they want because you want them to have what they want, not what you want. You want to give your child what they want not always just what they need. You want them to have things that they enjoy and it's the same way with God. He is so loving that He wants us to make decisions with Him. Not just take directions.

   God has given us the agenda, we are to bring heaven to earth. How that looks doesn't have to be super complicated. Why should I let the enemy have so much of my time stressing out about making a decision. I have to trust that I know how to make good decisions because the fact is, God trusts that I know how to make good decisions. Sometimes there is a clear answer and when that happens, I am thrilled! Even if I don't necessarily like it. But when He leaves it up to me I have to trust in myself because lets face it, He is SOOOO good that if I end up making the wrong decision, He will cause it to work out for my good. It's because I trust in His goodness that I can be free to trust in myself.

Fasting and Me

      So about 2 weeks ago I was reading my current choice in literature ("What's the Point" by Misty Edwards - I'd highly recommend it!) and since she's from IHOP they are real big on fasting. This has been something I've really wrestled with over the years. I have pushed it to the back of my mind so many times because I just could not come to a conclusion as to what fasting looks like for me.

     In all honesty, food is not a big deal to me. At all. I can go through the day and if I'm focused on what I'm doing enough I can completely ignore hunger pains until they aren't even there anymore. (My coffee addiction probably does not help things! haha) It's not good, at all and I'm working on this. I have to really make it a point to eat food. For most people fasting brings them to a point of weakness and forces them to chose to meditate on God rather then their stomach. It's a sacrifice for most people. I'm just not one of them. So I've been asking God what does this look like for me? I don't want to ignore the concept. Obviously He finds it beneficial for us and I don't want to miss out on it. Well once again I had completely put it behind me because I just honestly didn't want to deal with it. But this morning, completely random I may add, God decided to wake me up before 6. Now let me just say, anyone who knows me even in the slightest knows that I am NOT a morning person. Furthest thing from it. I just do not function in the morning. End of story. So ironically (it's really not ironic at all) I've been feeling God nudge me to wake up at 6 to spend some time with Him before I start my day. So this morning when He woke me up I jumped out of my bed with the biggest smile on my face and grabbed my Bible and had an amazing quiet time!  rolled over and said 5 more minutes.....Haha. My 5 minutes turned into 45 and only did I get up to go put Nick on the bus. Now there's this really great song where the first line is "though I sleep, my heart is awake". It's literal people! So even in my rebel sleepy state God decided he was going to talk to me. He started to point out that this is like my fasting. Giving up that 45 minutes before I have to get up I am exactly in that needy state, relying on God to be my strength to actually get up. It's hard, and I have yet to even do it, but I know that God never asks you to do something He won't enable you to do (listen to me, i've traveled around the world with no money and I'm struggling with waking up in the morning! hahaha pathetic).

   I feel like people have the wrong impression about fasting. I honestly don't know what it does for most people. I guess they like how it sounds when they tell people they fasted and prayed about something. I really don't know, but what He's been showing me is that it's an act of obedience and it's not even something to be telling people. I've contemplated writing this because of that fact, but I feel like this is ok. I guess it all comes down to the motive of the heart. That's really what He's looking at.

   Maybe one day He will ask me to give up food. That day is not today and I'm not a horrible christian because I don't fast food. He see's my struggles and He see's where my heart is. He will honor my obedience. Now excuse me while I go repent for my prior disobedience. ;)

I am a Singer & Songwriter

   I started classes for Bethel's new online Worship University this week. They have been rocking my world! As I'm watching these lectures on the heart of worship and songwriting I find my spirit coming alive! That doesn't seem like it's anything new, but lately I have felt un-inspired and un-motivated to be who I know God has called me to be. Here is why:

   There have been two people in my life that the enemy has used to stick a lie in my head. The first person told me I couldn't sing, the second, told me I wasn't a very good song writer. Both of these people spoke their opinions and the enemy has since used those lies to make me shy away from the calling God has placed on my life. It's funny how you remember the negative 10x more then you do the positive. Only two people have ever said these things to me! The majority of people are only ever full of encouragement. I have had countless people tell me how my songs have really blessed them, spoke to them, challenged them and helped them through rough times. Cindy Myers said to me before I left for Finland that while she was in the hospital, she would listen to the songs I had written and they helped her get through the nights. Both of my parents have told me how my songs have blessed them. Not to mention the countless people who have prophecied over me saying that I write songs of deliverance and my voice brings freedom. So with ALL that truth, why does ONE persons opinion have such an affect on me. I have to make a conscious choice to believe what God says, rather then what these two people have said.

     Today as I was driving in my car, I turned down the music and started singing my prayers to God. What I would normally just say out to God, I sang instead. Then he brought a song that I wrote to my mind.

"Though despair may challenge my soul
Though the pain I feel tells me I'm not whole
I cling to the truth that your all that I need
You gave me a promise that no one can take from me

So I choose to see the light inside of me
To see the man who came and died to set me free
And in the shadow of your wings you shine on me
You shine on me

Arise my soul, sing out the truth
Your light is here, your light has come
His glory's shining all around me
In Him no darkness can be found
So arise my soul, cry all is well
Your light is here, your light has come

Christ in me, the hope of glory you shine on me, you shine on me"

    As I began to sing it out, the truth in the song began to prove to me that I'm not a bad songwriter and He has in fact given me the ability to write songs of deliverance and with my voice they will bring freedom. How do I know? Because it was freeing me. Though the words that people have said may challenge the calling on my life, I CHOOSE to see what God has placed inside of me and I will sing it out until my soul believes it. He has given me this gift and no one can take that from me. They can try to discourage me from writing or singing, but they can't take the gift away from me. It was never from them in the first place. It's from God. I refuse to let a persons opinion destroy the truth of who I am.

  God's voice has to be stronger then the opinions of others or you will never become who you were created to be.