Monday, October 31, 2011

...And the Pursuit of Happiness

I'm discovering more and more about what Jesus meant when He said not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough cares of it's own. Just like everything else Jesus did and said, this is totally counter-cultural. In today's culture people are always telling you that you need to be preparing for the future. Poor high schoolers are always being hounded by the dreaded question, "what are you going to do when you graduate?". Like most adults even know what they want to do! We've become a culture that expects you to have your future together before you even have your present life together. I think that's what Jesus meant when He said to focus on today. How can you very well take care of the things that are going on around you right now when you are so worried about what you will be doing 10 years from now!?!?! People waste away their lives trying to strive for something. I believe that having goals is a good thing, but God didn't call us to strive for greatness. He told us to seek first the Kingdom of God and then everything else would just fall into place. If we focus on living every single day waking up and saying "How can I further the Kingdom of God today?" we will begin to really see our destiny unfold. When we focus too much on where we want to be, we will never be happy with where we are at.
This is something I have struggled with so much in my life. I've always had a hard time living in the moment and enjoying my life because I always felt pressure to know my next step. To make sure that everything was lined up for the next thing that I was going to do. Preparation and obsession of the future are two very different things. We need to begin to know the difference.
I honestly believe that we complicate our lives way too much. It really isn't that hard. We think that there is only one way that we can live life and be completely happy and so we strive to achieve happiness instead of achieve what our destiny is supposed to be - furthering the Kingdom of God. You can never follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and NOT be happy so why do we focus so much on our happiness instead of the leading of the Holy Spirit? It's time we stop living the way the world tells us to live and start living the way we are supposed to. My life is not about me. If I'm all there is to my life, then I'll be quite disappointed.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I'm Different. Period.

This past week has been a roller coaster! So much that I've had to step back, look at my life and say, "God, what the heck?!" But He always teaches me through my circumstances so here's what I've come to learn through it all.

I am not a normal human being! Sorry people, but I am not called to a "normal" lifestyle. What I mean is, I know that I am not made to have a normal job, do the normal "daily grind" as some people call it (which  in my opinion if your calling it the daily grind then your not living out what God created you to do). I am called for something else and that scares people. I don't live having my every move planned out. I don't plan for the future. I've realized that everytime I try to do that, God changes it on me! God has me at a place where I move when He tells me. He speaks, I go. Whatever that looks like. If I have the money, if I don't have the money. If it seems logical, if it seems insane! If people agree with me, if people don't agree with me! The way I live scares people because they don't trust God enough to provide for me, to work everything out. I know it's just because they love me, but this is the lifestyle I am called to. It's a lifestyle of radicle faith and you know why I live it? Because I asked for it.

Rewind a couple years to Sarah at the age of 15. I had heard the story about George Mueller and his orphanage. He ran his orphanage in such a way that he accepted no cash donations from people and no monthly supporters. He prayed to God and believed 100% that He would provide their every need. The story most commonly told is the one where the orphanage was totally out of food. They had absolutely nothing to give the kids breakfast the next morning. His good friend pleaded with him to ask someone for help but Mueller refused. The next morning the children gathered around the table for breakfast. Mueller thanked God for the food they were about to eat even though there was nothing in front of them. During the prayer there was a knock on the door. There stood a baker who told them that God woke him up in the night and told him to bake bread for the children. As the baker was speaking, the milkman came to the door and said that his mild cart had broken he needed to store the milk somewhere. He told them that if he could store it there, they could have all the milk they wanted! God provided. End of story. Mueller was obedient to the lifestyle God called him to live and God NEVER let him down. After hearing this story, I prayed the dangerous prayer "God, give me the faith of George Mueller".

Since then God has asked me to do some outrageous things. I've refused to do things that people have told me to do because God told me differently. They thought I was crazy, but God worked it out in the end miraculously! I've seen His faithfulness. I know I'm called to this lifestyle. It's not going to make sense to people but it's how I am called to live and no amount of people criticizing that will make me change. I've tried to please people over the past year but trying to take on a second job and get a car and make myself "stable" and I'm finding myself back to square one. Trusting God to provide for me anyway. I know He will. He's faithful! Get ready to hear about the miracles that God is doing in my life!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Transforming Love

It's amazing that when you allow God to speak to you and challenge you in the areas that needs improvement, He is so faithful to give you the understanding and strength to learn how to walk it out. As you've been reading the biggest lesson I'm learning is how to love people. Not just my boyfriend, not just my family, but EVERYONE. Holy crap it is not easy, but I'm looking at myself and watching the transformation happening and there is no other explanation except for God.

Recently there was an incident where God changed my heart towards a person who I have really been struggling to love for a couple years now. We have very different mindsets and ways of doing things and I've let that get to me so much! It attacked so much of me that I just could not see the good in this person and really struggled to get along with them. Then there was a night when they were talking and immediately my mind shut down into the "criticize" mode and a second later my spirit said "NO Sarah! Find the good!" When I allowed myself to do that, there was a total change in my heart. The way I saw the person was in a whole new light. There was truth in their words, and I was able to pull that out unbiasedly. I know that it wasn't me who was able to do this. It was my choice to change my thoughts but it was the Holy Spirit who opened my eyes to see this individual as just that, an individual.
        Love is not associating with someone because our beliefs and thought process's are just like mine. Love is being able to be around that person and love them despite your differences. Jesus hung out with the thieves, adulterers, and all those people who He didn't agree with. They're choices and thoughts and life styles totally went against everything He stood for but He didn't let that affect His love for them. He loved them with eyes that saw past their differences and that's how transformation in their lives was able to happen. Love is unconditional. As soon as we put conditions on it, it's no longer love.
"Show me how to love like you have loved me!" was a prayer that I sang out with all my heart once, God is faithful to answer it!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Laboring Love

   I've been learning a lot lately through this long distance relationship I am currently in. We started dating back in June of this year so we had all summer together, working hard together and just being able to have fun as well. We knew that the day would come when we would have to work on this relationship apart from each other because of him going back to college and you know how everyone says that long distance relationships never work, well I think I'm learning why they don't.
   Being apart from my boyfriend has obviously been terribly hard. He's such a great person that I would be weird if it wasn't hard for me, but this season has definitely not been without its struggles beyond just the space between us. I've fought the thought of "is this even worth it?" so many times. I mean, the point of being in a relationship is so you can be with the person, right? No, actually thats not it at all. Love is totally a choice. I have to choose to continue to love him every single day. This is hard and I could chose to give up but what are my reasons for wanting to give up? If I sit back and evaluate them, they are always selfish ones. 1 Corinthians 13 tells me that LOVE is not selfish so obviously if I end the relationship based on my selfishness, that isn't out of love. So what is love in this situation? Love is labor! It's working hard at it everyday and making the choice to say, "I love you for who you are not what I can get from you". If your only reason for being in a relationship is for what you can get out of it, then you will have a very selfish marriage. By learning to put away my selfish desires now (and I'm not just talking about physical crap) I'm preparing myself to continue in this relationship self-less. And even if it ends, I have learned the valuable lesson of how self-less love is hard work and that will help me in all my relationships.
  I was contemplating all this last night when God reminded me of a quote and it pretty much sums up this season for me and my wonderful boyfriend:

"Everybody's promise has at least one giant strategically placed there by God. David killed his giant with a rock but from then on he fought with Goliath's sword. What was meant to destroy you will become your greatest strength."


We can let this distance destroy us, or we can let it be a valuable lesson which will become our greatest weapon later on in life. It's hard, but it's worth it. Jesus gave up his life because of love, I can give up a couple months of him not being around. People try to tell me this isn't worth it, but God has taught me so much through it that I believe it's more then worth it.