Love's Definition Was Looking At Me

"What does LOVE look like, is the question, i've been pondering...."

I dont think any song could better describe my thoughts and feelings lately. We just got back from Sweden yesterday at 3am. It was a long week. Very good, but I personally found it to be quite challenging.
This past week I was confronted with the question of how to love someone you dont really love. What does love look like when you dont really love the person? But then again, how do you love someone you dont even know? Ive heard it said that you can only love God as much as you love the person you love the least, but how is that possible? I LOVE God. Theres no doubt in my mind about that. I love Him with everything in me but I cant say that about some of the people that are in my life. So does that mean I dont love God as much as I think I do?

How did Jesus do it? How could He love everybody especially when there were people who hated him, said hurtful things to him, rejected him and even killed him! Even as he hung on the cross in a ton of pain and people laughing at him, carrying all our sins and shame, He could still look us in the eyes and say that He LOVED us. And He meant it!!! There was nothing even in the back of His mind that was like, but I dont know if I can love you because you did this. No! He just loved. I know that God is love, and Jesus was fully God but also fully man. He went through everything we go through, so why do we have such a hard time loving each other? Why do I have such a hard time knowing how to love people that I just feel like I cant?

I guess it comes down to Love is a choice. It's not a feeling and it's not conditional. Maybe that's what I'm forgetting.

"...Then I saw him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me. He had arms wide open, a heart exposed. Loves' definition was looking at me..."

"Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Love is not selfish and that means that love has nothing to do with me. Love is sacrifice, and Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice making Him the ultimate example of Love. So I guess I've found my answer. I need to suck it up and forget my own personal hurt and just love. No conditions, just love. Even if i get hurt over and over because it's not my job to choose who deserves my love and who doesn't. Jesus just loved.

"...if anyone is looking for LOVE in all the wrong places, if you've been searching for LOVE come to Me, come to Me, take up your cross, deny yourself, forget your fathers house and run, run to me, cause you were made for abandoned and whole-heartedness...."

"...You'll come alive when you learn to die...."



*all quotes from the song "Arms Wide Open" by Misty Edwards

God's Goodness In My Life

Seriously, I dont think I've ever been more certain of God's love for me. He has just been so faithful to continue to prove it over and over. And really He doesnt even need to! I know He loves me, but I love that He's showing me just how much. I must say, I've never felt more loved in my life!
There have been several times that He's proved it to me just in the past week. One time was during our 48 hour prayer. I was up from 3:30am - 6am and I heard God tell me make tea so we could have a tea party!!! It was so nice, I sat there sipping my tea and talking to God. He knows I like tea parties so He wanted to do something with me that I enjoy! How great is that.
Then the other night, I was going to bed and I always listen to my ipod to go to sleep. Well I put my playlist on and set it to shuffle the songs. Well even when I put it on shuffle I end up getting picky about what I want to listen to, but I was also didnt feel like changing it. So I asked God if He would be my dj. He said "Sure! What would you like to listen to next?". So I told Him the song "Arms Wide Open". Well the song I was currently listening to ended and what song do you think came on next???? Yup, thats right! ARMS WIDE OPEN!! I immediately just started half laughing half crying! Then I heard Him say "You didnt think I would really do it did you?". He's right, I didnt really think He would and I told Him that. He went on to tell me that He loves me that much that He wanted to do what I asked Him to. Even if it was as simple as playing the song I wanted to hear next to fall asleep. He's amazing and I love Him a ton.
BUT THATS NOT ALL!!! For the next story I first have to rewind to when I was 15. When I was in youth group at my church, my youth pastor introduced us to something called "Listening Prayers". It's a way to learn how to practice hearing the voice of God. So we sat in a circle and my youth pastor told us to ask God to give us an object that He see's us as. So we did that and God told me 2 things but i'll only mention the one for now. God told me that I was a pineapple! So we went around and shared what God had given us. After that, we went back to God and asked Him why He thinks of us as that object. When I asked God that question He told me it was b/c I have a sweet inside but I had some rough edges that I needed to cut off before people could access it! I've always really remembered that time. It really impacted me! I treasure that conversation with God so much!
So the other day after our teacher (who was with us over skype due to the fact that he was in India) asked his team to pray for us after he was finished teaching. The first girl stuck her face in the camera and pointed me out and said she got a picture of me with a PINEAPPLE! I went on to cut up the pineapple and I was just super excited about it and I had pineapple all over my face and I was surrounded by pineapples and was just loveing it!!! Last time I was the pineapple, but this time God was the pineapple. It was so cool. :)

I could really go on and on about how good God has been to me lately. I know He's always good but lately He's been like exceptionally good!!! I'm loving it!!!  So much!!

48 Hours of Worship and Prayer

Well I know it's taken me a while to put out another update but i'm pretty sure this one is worth the wait. Here is a link for a short documentary that sums up this past week better than anything I could write here. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhGYeZeDPAI

Change of Scenery

The current DTS here at Ruurikkala, the SOW and our teacher Bas!

Well, we have come to the end of another week! Time is flying! We left on sunday afternoon for Ruurikkala to have our teaching with the DTS that is going on here and have been here for the week. Our teaching has been on Destiny by Design. We have been discovering what our destiny is and why God created us. It has been so good!
The students got plenty of chances to practice leading worship this week and they have done really well! Its great to see them apply what they have learned so far. I'm excited to see how much they grow!
It's also been a tough week for me personally. I haven't gotten much sleep and it really started to wear me down. But God is so faithful to meet me right where I'm at. I would wake up so tired that I knew if I had my quiet time in my room, I would for sure fall back to sleep. So I would walk every morning. I established my own little route and it was absolutely GORGEOUS! Finland is so pretty. I also realized yesterday why I loved my walks so much here. There is this one area that looks exactly like where I walk at home.  I love home, but I love here also.
We also did a 24 hour prayer this week. My time slot was from 1-2am. My alarm went off and I got up and walked outside to go to the prayer room and I looked up. OMG!! There were so many freaking stars!!! It was so incredibly GORGEOUS!!! That is one thing about living in the forest and not the city. So beautiful. Well my time in the prayer room was so great. God showed me some strongholds of Finland that I had begun to take on myself and as He showed them to me, I prayed against them over myself and Finland. It was such a great time. Mirjami came at 2 and I didnt want to let her in! I could have stayed there all night. Being with Him is so much better than sleep!
I've learned a lot this week. Especially about myself. God has showed me so much! I cant wait to see what else He is going to show me! He is so good and I love Him very much. Well we head home today after lunch. Thank God it's the weekend! I'm so ready for it!